After choir, i got into the car and on the way home, i don't know why but i had this huge feeling of xianness, and maybe a mixed of disappointment. Not from choir, no, but maybe a bit from myself?

I sang terribly at choir today. Techniques all twisted here and there and the sound and tone was just wrong, don't know why. Maybe i was really tired. Possibly. I slept quite late last night and had PE earlier this morning.

I got home and felt like being all alone for some warped reason, so i went to my room and didn't turn on my lights. Locked the door, and took off everything. It was actually really nice, lying on my bed in darkness and for a fleeting moment, everything lifted, the thoughts, the worries, the responsibilities. The occasional breeze from the ceiling fan cooling my head. But i couldn't possibly just lie there all day and not doing anything, hello, i have a physics test tomorrow to study for. Doesn't mean that i couldn't try to prolong the silence, the loneliness and the detachment from the rest of the world. Hence, that led me to my first ever bathing in darkness. It's really nice feeling, both hearing and feeling the warm water splash around. The only thing i had trouble with was actually squeezing the shampoo because i didn't know how much i had already squeezed out. So just went by feel and instinct. It's interesting, how in the darkness, where I can't see anything, other senses tend to be really much more sharp. I could even kinda smell the chlorine from the hot water (and errr i decided it was time to get out).

Tragically that 20 minutes of escape is just what it is, an escape, but not an escape which will solve problems. So obviously i managed to pull myself out and face the world by opening my room door again, allowing the lights from the landing outside to flood in, momentarily blinding me. I went to find my dog, whom i realised i have neglected for so long. Aw but dogs are the best because they forgive, and she was delighted to see me, not put off. I love you kyuu! Anyway, dinner wasn't ready after patting my dog for 15 minutes so i decided to come up and blog.

It's nice to be alone at home for a while, one of the very few times i have to eat dinner myself. But soon, my parents will come back from overseas, my sister with them. And then reality will wash back in as i take out physics notes to mug.

I need time to adapt to things, and hopefully, i will.